Monday, March 1, 2010

Honor


Exodus 20:12 - Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.

This would seem to be an easier commandment. But is it? For some I'm sure it is. For others who have experienced any discontent with one or both parents it might be difficult.

I've heard that we give parents honor because it is what we are commanded to do, not necessarily because they deserve it. And we are not to judge them. I think about Jesus when He was sent to be judged before His crucifixion. He said not a word in defense of Himself. Oh, that we had the same strength...and yet is that what we are to do when we are hurt by a parent's words or actions...or lack thereof?  

On the other hand parents are to behave themselves too! This, I'm sure is a generational thing. You only are as you have learned; if you were not given proper guidance...or attention...or love...or respect...it's hard to "do unto others" is it not? When my dad, suffering with Alzheimer's, would get in a nasty mood and would say something mean, I'd just say, "Dad, I love you." He would sometimes soften at those words. I'd only been in relationship with the Lord for a year or so before I was put into this strained relationship with my dad and was given His ability to love the unlovable. I believe this was God's plan. He turned my heart around to give him what we both needed, whether my dad understood or not, the love of father/daughter. Joel 2:25a tells us: So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten...  All the years I avoided him because of his ways God restored in the last years of his life. I praise Him for that reconciliation. 

So how do you honor your father and your mother? I guess no matter what, respect is good for starters. It's taking that first step toward an act of kindness. Perhaps stepping into that arena with the attitude that you will be kind might take the edge off the "perpetrator." So easy to say, so difficult to do when you walk into the atmosphere that is fighting against you. It's like turning the other cheek. Let the words that hurt bounce off and do not retaliate. But how it can be so difficult to keep our mouths shut! It's that defense mechanism at work again. The goodness in a relationship has to start somewhere but how do you do that when there's disrespect flowing in a family? You be the first to administer. You swallow your pride and make the first move.

We need the wisdom and strength of God to do this. We need to realize that "they know not what they do." (Luke 23:24) That's what Jesus asked His Father to forgive all those who had sent Him to the cross (which, by the way, is each one of us--past, present, future).  If we are in relationship with God, this is commanded of us. 

When we can fully understand what Jesus has done for us, we can always ask God to help us with our forgiveness toward someone else. We may not always feel we are being forgiving, but with constant speaking it forth to God, it becomes easier. It's said it will change our heart attitude...and that's the first step. What God will do in me.

Obviously I'm writing about negative situations. I didn't have the words of Jesus to help me through my teen years or even into my adult life. Staying with girlfriends or grandparents on weekends, moving out of town or getting married to move out of the house is only walking away from the problem. If only I had known back then the love and power of a Savior I might not have had to hide myself in my bedroom most of the time to stay away from the battlefield in the living room and hurtful words. I literally closed myself off to them.

So, what does it mean "that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you?"  Think about it, a healthy familial relationship, one that starts with honoring, is sure to bring more days of joy than sorrow. Imagine how years can carry on in anguish because there is little respect. Imagine if we would have respected and honored our parents whether they deserved it or not. Lack of forgiveness only hurts the one who doesn't forgive. It keeps them in bondage. It messes with their hearts, minds and relationships. It prolongs the agony. This is my interpretation...God may have another idea. But not only in the lifetime of one person are the days lengthened...but those of future generations. Future generations with healthy relationships.

This certainly is a difficult commandment. It's easy to honor and love those who are kind and loving. It's a sacrifice for us to love those who are not...and it is our duty. This is what we are called to do, love the unlovable. And often it's easier to love someone not as close as a parent. A most difficult command sometimes. 

Yet another part of this is honoring our Father in Heaven. Sometimes without the proper parental guidance, love and affection we can't imagine a Father in Heaven we should also honor. But isn't this what the first commandment is telling us? I'm sure these two ideas go hand in hand. And often when we seek God, are changed by Him, we are able to deal with the issues of honoring parents or being parents worth honoring. God can have quite an influence in relationships. But we first must have relationship with Him. 

Think on these things...ask for forgiveness for what we might have missed in our parental upbringing, tell them you love them--no matter what--and honor them, realizing their problems may be a result of their own upbringing--that generational thing. You can stop the cycle through Christ. You can end the bondage and seek reconciliation. We have reconciliation first with God, then with parents. It can break the cycle, bring about a healthy family relationship NOW and ultimately in the future by what we do today.

Ephesians 6 shows us it's about honoring our parents, but parents need some responsibility as well. Again, someone has to start with the first word...let go of the pride...and forgive. But more importantly, it's our relationship with our Heavenly Father that is needed to understand how we are to relate with our own family.

Ephesians 6:1-4 - Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, truer words never spoken! But what to do if the situation is totally impossible??? What then? Thankfully, Jesus explains everything and He makes it very clear in Matt. 12:46-50.

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