Selfish or Selfless?

Matthew 18:1-5 - At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me."

Isn't it just like us to question if we are better than someone else? Oh, the pride. The thing is, none of us are better than another. We are all sinners in need of a Savior. All of us. And to think otherwise is also pride. We are to come as little children. I've said this many times before. Jesus loved the little children. They were important to Him. He did not cast them aside.

Anyway, that's just the intro to this whole thing! This is something I have contemplated writing for a very long time...and I have had this written for several days. Today I am owning it. I love my new church (of a year now), The Church in Wisconsin. I have often wondered how God would have planted this church in my path and why because it is filled with young families and lots of children and babies, as well as the truth of God's Word, which is very important!

I did not have children and never learned how to deal with them. I was raised an only child, to add to the history (spoiled, selfish). I have, in the past, thought some babies were cute but never wanted much more to do with them. I managed to steer clear of them. Maybe it was a hidden defense of mine...stuff down what you have not had so it won't hurt. Logical defense mechanism.

For a very long time I've had a secret, known only by a very few people. Long before I was born again...before I received Christ...back before my first marriage, when I was young and foolish and vulnerable, I allowed myself to be swayed. I did an unthinkable thing. I had an abortion. That is very hard to write.

I was five months from getting married. To be honest I don't know whose idea it was. I can surmise but I don't want to. It happened. I believe I have forgiven all in this situation, including myself. I know when I received Jesus one day, my sins, and this one in particular, were forgiven. And only He could have orchestrated years later a very real, wonderful encounter with Jesus as I fed and burped probably the only baby I ever did this to.

Not until I joined this delightfully life and love filled church did I start to warm to children. Not the first few weeks but in time. These children are not farmed off to a nursery so parents can "enjoy" their worship and sermon, maintaining they can be more focused on the worship and sermon. No, these children are part of the family. When I say we are a family, that's what it is, the way it should be. How I love these children!

When I first started attending I couldn't tell whose children were whose because there is a lot of sharing and loving going on! When one family isn't able to attend church because of work or sickness, another family will bring their children. There is so much lack of self. Do I wish I'd had even one child? Yes. You grow differently. Self is not as important. Such an important part of being a true Christian. 

As Jesus said, become as little children to enter into the kingdom of heaven. Jesus loved the little children. He rebuked His own disciples for wanting them out of His way. I wonder if He would suggest putting them in a peer environment? Children are like sponges, aren't they? Aren't we surprised at what they understand even at a very young age? Why shouldn't they learn how to act in church as children; why shouldn't parents learn how to discipline and children learn to be displined?

What does any of this have to do with my admission? I am sorry that I had to lose a child, to grow from that point into believing children are a waste of time and only take away from the things we wanted to do, that it was okay to not have children. As I did a search on the phrase (which I never came across) that was so prevalent in those days, I came across site after site proclaiming that purposely not having children was admirable, not selfish, that there was a completeness without them, that people could have it all without children, that children tie them down. I can't even comprehend what God thinks of these statements.

Just my thinking, but Jesus did not want those children removed. He said, for of such is the kingdom of God. Again, children were important to Him. To add to that, the Bible states abortion is murder. Imagine what He must think today about all the people willing to give up a child because it is inconvenient. And I get it about rape; there is still adoption. Sadly, I can add murder to my list of sins....yet which has been forgiven of me by my receiving Christ (in addition to other sins).

I think about how different my life would have been, how I'd have grown up less selfish, giving more, loving more. Perhaps that is why I am at The Church in Wisconsin, to learn to grow more into these attributes, which are more Christ-like attitudes. I pray it is so. I believe I came to Christ as a child, willing to accept what was in the Bible. Willing to believe all that Jesus said and what was written by various individuals, in both Old and New Testaments, by the Spirit of God. 

I have come to grips with my indiscretion and sin(s) of years ago. I have come to realize that not only is this child in heaven but that we will be reunited some day. I learned back then to be hard hearted and maybe I still need some healing. I pray more of that would be chipped away that I would become a softer person. Yet...Jesus lovingly did in the Spirit for me what He did for real with children...He took them...and me...up in His arms...and showed His love for me...despite what I did. That's a whole other story.

If Christ is able to forgive me of this, He is able to open anyone's eyes to their indiscretions, whatever they might be, and forgive anyone. He is in the forgiving, saving, redeeming and sanctifying business (but first He has to show you the yuck). And if we do not ever get to this place of admitting our sin, turning from it and leaning on Christ, we will encounter the wrath of God. And He is most desirous for all to come to Him as a little child asking for forgiveness. You cannot imagine the peace and freedom that comes from letting go of those things that so consume. We must allow ourselves to go to Jesus as a child and take Him in. What joy and peace there is. 

Now to press the "publish" button...

Mark 10:13-16 - Then they brought little children to Him, that He might touch them; but the disciples rebuked those who brought them. But when Jesus saw it, He was greatly displeased and said to them, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them. 

Walk This Way!

Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left.  A highway shall be there, and a road, and it shall be called the Highway of Holiness. The unclean shall not pass over it, but it shall be for others. Whoever walks the road, although a fool, shall not go astray. No lion shall be there, nor shall any ravenous beast go up on it...But the redeemed shall walk there… Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you by the way you should go." (Isaiah 30:21, Isaiah 35:8-89, Isaiah 48:17)

I remember the old, old Mel Brooks movie Young Frankenstein where Igor is gimping along with a cane telling the young Dr. Frankenstein to "walk this way" and he meant it literally, not directionally.

What about the Bible? How many of us are so perfect that we will remember we are called to "walk this way?" I'm just as prone to taking the wrong direction, making the wrong mistakes…but then I hear in my spirit the words: This is the way, walk in it. Maybe not always in those exact words, but words that pretty much say the same thing.

When God tells you something, it is important to walk that way. When we do, wonderful things will happen. It doesn't mean not going through difficult times, but just going through, no matter what is ahead. Taking that narrow road, through the narrow gate, keeps us focused on the Lord. [Walk this way] by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. But the gate is small and the road is narrow that leads to true life. Only a few people find that road. (Matthew 7:13-14)

The way of a fool might seem right to him…thankfully, also, a wise woman listens to advice! Proverbs 12:15 - The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise. When I began attending The Church in Wisconsin I was challenged right off the bat. Would I have been challenged had I not listened to God in so many words telling me to "walk this way; go here?" Would I have continued to remain comfortable and feeling like I had stopped growing? Did I need a kick in the pants to see that God wasn't done with me and needed me on a different track, to walk a different road?

I needed to be challenged. I knew when I sat in the new pew I needed the Word of God to penetrate my heart, to pierce my soul, to cause me to reconsider myself and where I was headed. I look back and can see I had almost become comatose. I was a breath away from walking in another direction. Yet I see God has other plans..."walk this way."

Sometimes He's gentle in His prodding. Sometimes He stops you dead in your tracks. And He wants you to "walk this way" literally and directionally.

My new church's goal is on being a remnant church. It is a church open to receiving people who want to be part of the remnant Church in the last days. That means a totally new level of understanding. It means a deeper relationship with God. It means hearing the truth at any cost. It means a hard word supported in love. The statement of faith, what they believe as a church, is that God's Word is all we need for instruction…no adding to it or taking away from it. It provides all we need for the ongoing and never-ending perfection of His people.

I'm on board with this and I believe I will be learning a lot. I will be convicted, sharpened, honed, humiliated (in a good sense), reduced to no more than what God desires of me. I will also be edified, perfected, sanctified and loved, elevated to where I should be in Him. Pastor Terry has been spent some time awhile back on this verse from Exodus 33:15 - And he said unto Him, "If thy presence go not with me, carry us not up hence." How much do we desire God's presence to be with us in the way we should go, how we should walk, how we will be protected? How much of a difference do I want to see in myself? Walking His way will be the key to securing these things

Philippians 3:12 - Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.

Hallelujah, He isn't giving up....