One year at Christmas, in my early thirties, divorced, living alone in a small apartment in Milwaukee’s downtown, I felt a need to “go to church.” I needed to feel close to God. And it seemed because it was around Christmas it was a good time to go. I walked exactly two blocks from my doorstep to the doorstep of St. John’s Cathedral.
I sat in back because I did not come from a Catholic background and I was not a regular church-goer. I guess I was feeling guilty. I wanted to hear the choir. I hoped to feel the presence of God or His angels. The choir was beautiful, maybe even in Latin. I don’t remember if I stayed for service.
I’ve mentioned this several times in my writing: there is a God-shaped hole in each of our hearts. It is there just for Him to fill. Nothing...nothing...nothing else can fill it no matter how hard we try. That’s how I must have felt even then, before I knew Jesus as my Lord and Savior. How we who know Him can look back sometimes and see the hand of God in our lives...how He wooed. How He was piercing my heart that night. Someday I need to list all the times I know He saved me from this or that, or was clearly showing Himself to me, yet I was unaware of it at the time.
I’m reading a little book that should be an easy, quick read, but it’s taking me deep in thought about this amazing God we have. Truths about this God through everyday occurrences that I realize I have been missing at times.
The writer was explaining a similar experience as mine: he was with a group of his high school boys at a basketball tournament. He was not on the team but just along. The gym was next to a “towering white tabernacle.” He felt led to leave the gym at one point and go to the tabernacle: “Finding a private place in back, I reached out and place my hands on the outside walls. As I did, my heart ached deeply to go inside. I wanted to walk through the locked doors to feel the wisdom and peace of that secret building. That is, I wanted to step closer to God, my eternal home. Although the cares of the world may bury this yearning to step closer to God, it’s common to all. (Trust in the Lord, Deen Kemsley)
Earlier this week I’d heard a southern Gospel song I’d never heard before. The gist of it was that no matter where you are in life and have no idea what the next day will hold, God is already there. I can’t for the life of me find the lyrics based on my remembrances!! I didn’t rush to my phone to see the playlist because I thought I’d remember, although occasionally the tune to the chorus will come to me.
He’s always a step ahead of us and also beside us. He was with us even before we knew Him. He has an everlasting love for each of us, no matter how we feel about Him. But what joy we can have if we submit ourselves to growing closer to Him. You might be able to think of all the times in your past when He’s been showing Himself to you. Maybe you don’t recognize them, but He’s hoping you will notice.
Another time as a youngster. I would go outside after dark in the dead of winter. I would lay down in the snow and search the sky. My thoughts were how the stars go far beyond what we can see with our eyes. I was so amazed I could hardly breathe. Like my heart would burst if I could fully understand it all. I don’t remember being taught this but I’m sure confirmation classes were where I heard it. (And secretly, I was hoping I’d catch a cold so I wouldn’t have to go to school...never happened!)
God wasn’t done with me. He kept wooing me. It took a very long time, but He was persistent and while I wasn’t so willing to drop everything to follow Him, the desire for Him was there buried deep.
Oh that more would tap into this. We can all attain it. No matter what! No matter who we are, what we have done, how simple or smart, good or bad. I hesitate using this phrase but I will: we can come as we are; Jesus doesn’t want us to stay that way though and He will make us into the person we were truly meant to be. “We have but to repent from our sins, place our trust in the light, and turn to Christ. If we do, we will feel his comfort and know his peace, being born of him. Through the voice of the Spirit, we will know God is there, even in our days of loss and despair.” (Trust in the Lord) Or as the words to the song go, He’s already there.
Jesus Christ is our treasure in heaven. He is the most important possession we can have. The things of this world are temporary. Heaven is permanent to those who seek Him. And...He’s already there. He’s guiding those who want to be led. He’s calling out. He’s showing Himself in our daily lives if we only look intently. Do you want to be closer? I am declaring His name through the few circumstances listed here. He is worthy!
Isaiah 12:2-4 - Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; “for YAH, the LORD, is my strength and song; He also has become my salvation.” Therefore with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. And in that day you will say: “Praise the LORD, call upon His name; declare His deeds among the peoples, make mention that His name is exalted.”
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